I found some rather *harsh* criticism of MSR on the old Usenet archives and even though I may disagree with the poster, it's certainly honest and very emotional! Originates from mid 2001. Take it away guys ........
"THEY MUST ALL DIE!
You see - Today I decided to play MSR again to take a break from playing Jet Set Radio (which is the L33T3st, coolest, hipest game I may have ever played) and to decide if I was going to keep it or not, but now I know.
I played the level I'd left it at, which was a one on one race in St. James Park in the rain (I think anyway). I'd played the game a few times recently, mainly levels set in Japan (due to I was playing it in the middle of the night and you have to play it in daylight or else it's unplayable) and found it almost enjoyable, a little unforgiving, and it was irritating that you had to press A and watch a loading screen a million times each time you wanted to restart a level, but Japan's so nice looking, it was quite pleasant.
All my almost coming around to liking the game again was SHATTERED today with this one on one race, which, playing in the best car available to me at the time (the MR-S) was simply impossible. I practiced the track hard and then raced it, and for 2 hours, 2 FUCKING WASTED HOURS OF MY LIFE, I raced a computer opponent who raced a PERFECT FUCKING RACING LINE, while I, even when driving to the absolute best of my abilities, just could not keep up. Once the car passed me (As it would unless I got in front and drove like a granny at all times, which isn't viable as you have to get at least 110 kudos to not fail) It was impossible to catch up, if you spun out or at any time needed to reverse it was as well just restarting (even though each restart took about 10 minutes while it saved, AGAIN, and then told me I had -50 kudos, AGAIN FOR NO FUCKING REASON) In the end, even driving like a granny, taking turns at 30, the fucking car would spin out for no reason, or the guy would overtake and then have an instant 14 second lead, till at last I turned off the Dreamcast, ripped out the disc and came this close to chucking it out the fucking window. Now, I'm going to sell it on rather than burning it in a ritualistic fashion, but I don't think I've ever, EVER hated a game so much. Should I, one day, meet anyone from Bizzare creations, after trying him up and ranting to him for hours as to why he is a FUCKWIT, AND A RETARD, for making such a stupidly designed, gay, fucking piece of shit software, I will then kill him in the most torturous fashion I can be bothered thinking up.
So...
What should I swap it for? I think I could get a straight swap for Space Channel 5, or Zombie Revenge, are either of them any good really? I hear SC5is easy and short, but god, if it's at least fun...
MSR finally broke me. I refused to 'hate' it for ages being sure it was secretly very good - however, while Japan looks nice, the rest of the game can suck my balls, and Bizzare can DIE, SCREAMING, LIKE PIGS, WHILE I STAB A PITCHFORK UP THEIR ASS AND IN THEIR (edited - that was too much)
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Soon you'll be saying 'lovely graphics, fucking awful music except in Tokyo, and actually quite tedious'. I'm sorry, but having to do ten irritating races in sodding London (which has the worst track design evarrrrr) to be GIVEN, NOT ALLOWED TO CHOOSE, BUT GIVEN WHATEVER SHITE CAR (probably a Peugeot Fuck-Of-Shits) THE SADISTIC IDIOT PROGRAMMERS FELT LIKE GIVING IS JUST NOT ON. Surely, much of the appeal of games with SENSIBLE REWARD (ie: cash) systems like Gran Turismo, Sega GT, TXR2, etc, is that you can pick a car you want and work towards it, none of this 'Like the RX7? You can have it in 230 races, then' BULLSHIT. Or like TOCA, where you get a lot of decent cars to pick from, and the super-uber ones are rewards for doing well.
BUT NO. WE ARE BIZARRE CREATIONS. WE SPENT YEARS ON THIS GAME, AND NEVER ONCE DID IT OCCUR TO US THAT THE KUDOS SYSTEM IS TOSH. HOWEVER, IN THE YEARS (according to Edge) WE SPENT ON THE MUSIC, IT DID OCCUR TO US THAT THE MUSIC MIGHT GET ON PEOPLE'S TITS. OF COURSE, WE DIDN'T BOTHER CHANGING IT OR, SAY, GETTING SOME DECENT MUSIC THAT DOESN'T SUCK ASS. HELL NO, WE LOVE THAT FUCKING IRRITATING 'BULLET IN THE GUN' ADVERT OR THE FACT THAT EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF ALL THREE LONDON STATIONS IS TORTURE, OR THAT FUCKING AWFUL 'MC MOMO' WILL SMITH RIP-OFF, OR HAVING TO DO 'VELLY GOOD WESTAHN DAHNCE SHOW!' FOR THE JAPANESE STATIONS BECAUSE WE'RE TOO SHIT TO LICENCE SOME DECENT JPOP OR DOWNLOAD SOME OFF NAPSTER. NO, MUCH LIKE THE DJS ON THE LONDON STATIONS (AND INDEED IN REAL LIFE) WE KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU, SON, SO LET'S PLAY THE SAME FUCKING RUBBISH SHIT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
(break in rant purely to allow you to not get lost in a massive paragraph. Caught your breath? Good, then)
AND BACK TO THE LONDON CIRCUITS, IS IT ANY WONDER DRIVING IN THE CAPTIAL IS SUCH A FUCKING NIGHTMARE IF THE ROADS ARE SO TERRIBLE? I MEAN HALF THE BLOODY TIME YOU LOSE A RACE NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE SLOW BUT BECAUSE SOME SODDING CONCRETE BLOCK OR KEEP-LEFT SIGN OR FENCE OR SOMETHING THAT YOU COULDN'T BLOODY SEE AND COULDN'T HAVE ANTICIPATED COMES FLYING AT YOU. AND RACING THROUGH ST JAMES' FUCKING PARK? WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING WITH THAT? ESPECIALLY THAT KINK AROUND SOME SHED THAT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE, AND THEN THE CUNTY AI WILL OF COURSE BE ABLE TO NEGOTIATE IT AT FULL SPEED. AND I KNOW, LET'S MAKE IT SO LONDON GETS PROGRESSIVELY DARK UNTIL IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SEE, AND ***THEN*** TURN ON THE FUCKING STREETLIGHTS. I MEAN, HAVE YOU NORTHERN KNOBS EVER BEEN TO LONDON? COURSE YOU FUCKING HAVEN'T BECAUSE IF YOU'D EVER LEFT YOUR BARN IN YORKSHIRE (or wherever) YOU'D KNOW THAT IN CIVILIZED URBAN AREAS, STREETLIGHTS COME ON BEFORE IT BECOMES PITCH BLACK.
(another break. gaaaaaaaasp)
BUT NO, WHY RESEARCH YOUR FUCKING FACTS? LIKE TELLING PEOPLE THAT THE 'CIRCLE LINE IS CLOSED SO TAKE THE DISTRICT LINE' WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE SINCE THEY SHARE THE SAME FUCKING TRACKS IN ALL THE PLACES THAT THE DISTRICT LINE COULD BE AN ALTERNATIVE, OR 'SNEAKING IN A FIELD GOAL' IN THE 49ers GAME, EXCEPT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW THEY'RE CALLED THE 49ers, OR THAT A FIELD GOAL ISN'T SOMETHING YOU CAN JUST GO 'SNEAKING IN'. HOW ABOUT THE CAR PHYSICS? WHAT THE FUCK? I UNDERSTAND THAT A POWERFUL REAR-WHEEL DRIVE CAR LIKE THE FAIRLADY WOULD SWAP ENDS IF YOU WENT AROUND A CORNER **WITH THE PEDAL FLOORED** BUT IT BLOODY WELL WOULDN'T IF I JUST COASTED GENTLY ROAD, JUST BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING RAINING. OH YES, WHY THE FUCK, WHEN I CHOOSE TO PRACTICE, DON'T I RACE IN THE SAME FUCKING WEATHER CONDITIONS? IF I'M BEING FORCED TO RACE AN APPALLING LONDON TRACK, AT NIGHT, IN THE FUCKING RAIN, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PRACTICE IT AT NIGHT AND IN THE FUCKING RAIN.
(space)
WHAT MONKEY CAME UP WITH THE CIRCUITS? THOSE LONDON ONES WHERE THEY PUT A BIG MOTHERFUCKING WALL DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, AND EXPECT YOU TO SOMEHOW KNOW YOU'RE MEANT TO DO A HANDBRAKE TURN AND THEN DRIVE IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION DOWN A DIFFERENT LANE... FUCK OFF! OR WHEN THEY PUT A WALL SO YOU CAN ONLY DRIVE AROUND A ROUNDABOUT ON ONE SIDE... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING? I MEAN, TOKYO HAS NARROW STREETS AND BIG VERGES BUT AT LEAST YOU CAN SEE THEM COMING, AND THERE AREN'T STUPID AREAS WHERE THE FUCKING SIDEWALK SUDDENLY JUMPS OUT 20 FEET (AND IS PAINTED BLACK SO YOU CAN'T SEE IT) AND THE CHALLENGES TOO, MAN. THEY'RE FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. IT'S BAD ENOUGH BEING SET AN IMPOSSIBLE TIME TO BEAT, BUT SURELY I CAN MAKE SOME SORT OF SACRIFICE TO BE ABLE TO LOWER THE MINIMUM TIME/CARS PASSED LIMIT BY A BIT? YOU KNOW, LIKE GIVE UP A JOKER TO REDUCE THE 'CARS PASSED' FROM 6 TO 5? I'D GLADLY DO THAT, INSTEAD OF HOPING I CAN DRIVE A PERFECT RACE FOR FOUR MINUTES, SINCE I HAVE UNCOVERED THAT YOU CUNTS DESIGNED THOSE 'PASS CARS' RACES SO THAT IT'S TIMED SO YOU PASS THE LAST ONE JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME. I MEAN, I'VE HAD TO DISCARD ONE CAR AND START DOING THOSE SODDING 'GET A NEW CAR CHALLENGES' JUST TO BEAT THIS LAST FUCKING RACE OF CHAPTER 24 SO I CAN GET THE BLOODY LANCER. AND WHY DO I HAVE TO FINISH ALL THE RACES FROM *THAT* CHAPTER? WHY NOT HAVE IT EVERY TEN RACES, REGARDLESS OF CHAPTER, I GET A NEW CAR? OR SPEND SOME FUCKING KUDOS (WHICH IS A LOAD OF SHIT ANYWAY) TO BUY A NEW CAR, OR AT LEAST SOME FUCKING UPGRADES SO I CAN PASS YOUR LUDICROUS CHALLENGES, YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS.
This may have set the world's record for the LONGEST CAPS RANT ever."
So there we are! The original posting can be found at:
